


Send Your Cutest Delivery Boy!

by WriterMaraMara



Category: DOOM - Fandom
Genre: Feel-good, Fluff, Meme, Pizza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterMaraMara/pseuds/WriterMaraMara
Summary: Your pizza order didn't go through, and while your roommate rush orders pizza for your party, he tells the pizza place to send their cutest delivery boy. What comes is more than you expected.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Send Your Cutest Delivery Boy!

It was a year ago when the party happened. Not like now, you couldn’t throw a party without the police coming by to break it up. Too many disease vectors. You had just won the lottery, which gave you a monthly stipend of $1300. This was your first month, and while you intended to invest it most of the time, you decided to splurge and throw a party for some friends.  
About twenty people in total were invited, but only twelve came. Some of them were upset that you chose to not give them some money after they asked you for it. It was your money, your call, and they didn’t respect that. You had ordered pizza from Papa John’s originally, but when you checked your order on the app, you saw that there was a communication error and it didn’t go through. Partygoers were coming in, and you didn’t have enough pizza for twelve people.  
You went to the junk drawer and pulled out a bunch of pamphlets for local places, and found Mama Porca’s pizzeria. You gave the phone to your roommate to order so you could run to the bathroom and have a small panic attack. When you came back, your roommate was finishing up the order and said, “Yeah, and just send your cutest delivery boy,” before he hung up.  
“Bro, what the hell?” You asked him. Neither of you were gay, and there were only going to be a couple chicks at the party now that so many people had cancelled anyway. “What, it’s cool, just a joke.” Things meandered for a while, people walking around, or sitting in the living room watching the show you put on Netflix as white noise. For about forty minutes, things were pretty tense.  
The doorbell to your apartment rang, and you ran to the door. It had to be the delivery boy. You hadn’t realized it until now from the idle chatter and the sound of the TV, but it started raining. When you threw open the door, you saw him and couldn’t believe it. He was about five feet in diameter, his body fleshy and covered in ridges. He was mostly spherical, with a single green eye in the middle of all the red, and pinkish lips under the eye. Horns jutted out at points on his body, and he was carrying a huge pizza insulator by two scrawny, T-Rex-like arms. He opened his mouth to speak, his tongue and gums blue, with pointy yellowed teeth.  
“I’ve got ten pizzas here for the big party!” He said. His voice was cool, like a surfer dude. “This was a big rush order but we got it through, I hope you all are hungry!” In awe of this bodacious cutie, you stepped to the side and ushered him in. “Yeah, uh, come on in outta the rain, I gotta get some money togeher. “ He nodded excitedly, hovering in. “Thanks, dude! I rode my ‘ped out here, I’m a little drippy so sorry about that.” He rubbed up against the wall, and his horns scraped some of the paint, but you could fix it later. While you went to your bedroom to get your wallet, you heard him call from the living room. “Who wants some pizza!” He sounded like a DJ or something, and the call that came back sounded like a club ready to get down.  
You came back to pay him, but when he was about to head back out the partygoers asked that he say. His force of personality was like a magnet, and no one wanted him to go. “Nah, sorry, I gotta get some ‘za to all the other hungry dudes out there! Party on, folks!” He stuck his tongue out and wagged it playfully, eliciting a laugh from everyone. At the door, you paid him and gave him a generous tip. “Whoa, really dude?” He asked incredulously, “You don’t have to give me this much, man.” You told him to take it, it was no problem. “Well alright dude, if you ever want some good pizza, get it from Mama Porca’s!”  
And so he disappeared into the night. The last you saw of him was his yellow moped zooming away into the rainy night, his back illuminated by the taillight. Even though he was gone, his light remained, and the party went on. You never forgot that swell dude, but you never saw him again.


End file.
